Summary: you never realize what you truly have until it's almost gone.
A/N: i finished. lmaii ! darknessgryphon ! and i'm kinda dead now! D:
i did start out, using the actually prompt. but then it turned into this...
(as always, credit for the lovely above goes to the crazy lady that says i've lost my sanity.)do you love me?
i love you.
"yoochun." he calls again and again, watching as the other pulls himself out of the bed. messily pulling on his misplaced clothes and making sure to hide his face from junsu, "yoochun, stop acting like this."
turning around to junsu, pulling on a pair of pants, yoochun bites back his emotions, "acting like what?"
"like the worlds coming to an end-"
shaking his head, yoochun snorts, "there's more to a relationship then sex, junsu."
"i know that!"
"do you?" he questions, pulling on the sweater he had on before it had been roughly torn off, "then why can't you show me that," junsu looks away while shaking his head, "forget it, you'll never love me."
after the words escape his lips, he gasps suddenly finding himself pressed heavily against the wall and angry eyes staring into his heart. junsu grips his shoulders tightly, glaring at him, "don't talk like that!"
"you...you never treat me like i'm anything, junsu, i'd give you my life in an instant. but you -you would give me away in an instant"
letting the tears fall against his cheeks, yoochun shuts his eyes, hanging his head as junsu's fingers dig deeper and deeper into his flesh. he doesn't say a word, just lets out a strangled sob against the suddenly quiet room, "look at me." junsu demands, shaking him.
and when he opens his eyes, he pushes away from the other.
"you don't love me." you never will.
junsu doesn't say a word and it's all it takes.
yoochun stumbles through the living room, late. late at night, eyes glazed and heart broken. yunho's there, and he should be asleep, shouldn't be up. shouldn't be so upset as he wraps his arms around the younger man and holds him close.
"you're an idiot." changmin says in all seriousness, noticing how junsu hides himself in the corner of their room.
"shut up." the elder man mumbles, waving his hands at changmin to go away.
desperate and in deep need to be held and shown that he's loved, yoochun crawls his fingers into yunho's back as he hides his face into the elder man's neck.
"doesn't," he chokes on a sob, "he doesn't love me."
yunho doesn't know whether or not junsu does, but all he does -or at least he thinks he does- know is, "i love you."
"don't tell me to shut up." changmin snaps, pulling the blanket from atop the others form and throws it to the floor, glaring at junsu, "you're an idiot and if you truly even care about yoochun you'd admit it."
looking at yunho through clouded eyes, yoochun leans over till their lips meet and he knows he's going to hell.
"i care about him." junsu snaps, twisting on the bed to glare at the younger man, "you don't know anything."
changmin snorts, sitting on his bed, "i know you've never said you love him."
"i love you," yunho mutters against yoochun's lips pulling the smaller man closer, so close. so deep. so much need and desire, yoochun becomes blinded.
"never, junsu; never means never, as in you've never said it even once." junsu looks anguished, looking around the room as if looking for some kind of excuse. but when he finds a picture, he and yoochun laughing, arms around arms and smile on their faces, he gulps and looks at changmin with worried eyes.
"i've never told him."
changmin nods, "but he's told you, i'm sure."
i love you.
"i'm an idiot."
groaning as he's slowly placed on the couch, yoochun cries as yunho continues to kiss him, soft, gentle kisses along his lips, neck, jaw. and oh.
yunho's hands are everywhere. touching, creasing yoochun with as much desire as yoochun has the need. rubbing yoochun's sides with the pad of his fingers, yunho slides his hands under the younger mans shirt and pulls the fabric over yoochun's head.
taking in the toned stomach and heavily rising chest, yunho looks down at yoochun hungrily before kissing away the salty tears continuing to leave the others eyes.
"so you finally admit it." changmin looks proud.
junsu looks as though expecting the world to fall apart, "he thinks he's not important to me."
yoochun's pants and boxers thrown to the side, yunho works on his own as he catches the younger man watching his every move. licking his lips he throws his own clothing to the floor and presses flush against yoochun.
"hyun-hyung" he gasps when yunho's flesh is clear and warm against his own. the elder man's knee works around spreading his legs.
"what do i do, min?" junsu asks in pure confusion, as he looks down at the covers that had earlier covered he and yoochun after falling asleep together, he thinks about how warm the other was. how comfortable he was with yoochun around him, with the others soft snores against his skin.
"don't ask me."
biting his lip junsu starts climbing out of the bed, panicking.
sliding between yoochun's legs, yunho moans hiding his face into yoochun's neck as he rubs against the younger man.
yoochun doesn't do anything, just shut his eyes and feels the tight feeling in his chest grow painful as he thinks about junsu.
thinks about who he loves.
even if they don't love him back.
moving to the door, junsu feels changmin following him.
he doesn't question the younger man and just walks throughs.
looking down at yoochun's pained expression, yunho frowns while kissing the younger man's cheek gently. running his fingers through yoochun's hair he whispers, "i'm not going to hurt you." and he means it in every sense.
opening his eyes, yoochun panics, "hyung i can't-" i love junsu.
pacing down the hall, junsu looks through all the room. needing to find yoochun, needing to talk to him. tell him how much he cares, how much he loves him.
and as he turns the corner, he wishes he hadn't.
"what the hell?!"
yoochun panic's when he hears the voice. new tears blinding his vision, he looks over and bites his lip, "jun -junsu."
walking over to the two on the couch, junsu pushes yunho off the other man and pulls the shaking man against his chest while changmin rolls his eyes coming to wrap a blanket -and his arms around yunho's silent form.
"you're an idiot." yunho snaps at junsu suddenly, after having changmin beside him.
glaring at the eldest, junsu yells, "what the hell were you doing!?"
"what do you care?" yunho shakes his head, bending down to pick up his misplaced clothes, "you don't love him, right?"
junsu shakes his head, body shaking as he tries his hardest to hold onto the shivering body now sobbing in his arms, "i do," he whispers, gripping onto the others form tightly, "i love him..." he says quietly as if letting the words sink in; the shaking in his arms slowly becomes a silent sob as silent eyes leer up to look at him, "so much."
sighing, changmin pulls yunho, "and it took yoochun nearly what -getting raped for you to admit that?"
"i thought i admitted it in the room-"
"no," changmin cuts in, "you admitted to being an idiot." and he leaves, nearly dragging a still fuming yunho with him.
leaning against changmin, yunho glares at the wall, "idiot. idiot. idiot."
"okay, hyung, calm down."
"no, how can i?" yunho nearly snaps, eyes down cast as his fists clench together.
taking in the others saddened expression, changmin frowns, "you really do love yoochun don't you, hyung?"
catching the lingering hurt in the others words, yunho looks changmin in the eye before slowly shaking his head, running his hands through his messy hair, "yes. maybe. i don't know. no. no."
nodding slowly, changmin hangs his head as he slowly leaves yunho where he sits on the bed.
moving only to tighten his hold on yoochun, junsu feels a lump grow in his throat, making it hard for him to say anything but, "i'm sorry."
yoochun's stops shaking, but that doesn't mean he stops being confused, "you're not playing with me are you junsu?" he asks, leaning out of junsu's arms to pull on his clothes he'd lost moments before.
"no, i'm not playing with you, yoochun." junsu doesn't mean to snap, but can't help it as yoochun turns to look at him with questioning eyes.
yoochun's done getting dressed, his shaky hands moving through his hair as he looks at junsu, "you said you love me."
"yes," junsu smiles nervously, "and i mean it."
yoochun takes a moment before asking quietly, "why did it take you seeing someone else on me for you to finally say it?"
"i guess i always...just assumed you'd always be there, that you'll always love me." he says slowly, scared of saying something wrong, "and i guess, after seeing that you could stop possibly loving me, i got scared."
"yes! scared, okay?"
yoochun takes a step back not used to junsu yelling, "no, it's not okay! did you ever think i was scared to tell you how i felt? scared that i knew that every time i would tell you, you'd ignored me? i was scared every time!"
shaking his head, yoochun's a little more then confused and his heart won't stop pounding against his chest as he turns on his heels and moves away, "i need to think, junsu." he mutters.
taking hold of the others wrist, junsu looks yoochun in the eyes, begging him to stay, "chun-"
"please, junsu?" the elder asks, begs. and slowly junsu lets him go, "i've never stopped and never will stop loving you, junsu, i'm just confused right now. with everything." he tries to fight off the feeling of his need to be held -loved- while almost sleeping with an equally as desperate yunho.
"okay." junsu whispers, "i'll wait."
walking to the balcony and slowly walking out into the cool night, yoochun doesn't care as the cool cement under his feet nip at his toes while he finds he's staring down at the bright city, "you'll catch a cold if you stay out here." he gasps at the others voice from behind him.
"shut up." the younger man snaps, pushing past yoochun to lean against the railing, "you and junsu-"
"shut up." it's yoochun's turn.
taking his place next to changmin against the railing, the elder man sighs, "is yunho pissed?"
he nods, gasping when he looks straight down and finds he truly is afriad of heights. gulping he fixes his eyes on changmin's features and smiles inwardly, "...my fault." he looks away.
"no," changmin shakes his head, frowning as he turns to place his hand on yoochun's shoulder, "his own fault, just junsu only has himself to blame for hurting you."
when a silence builds around them, changmin sighs, "i'm going to go talk to yunho, i suggest you go inside."
yoochun watches the younger man disappear into the apartment, wondering if he should ignore changmin's words or follow them.
moments later he returns back to his room.
"are you going to hide in here for ever, hyung?" changmin asks, turning the light on and sitting on the edge of the elder mans bed.
yunho groans, pulling the pillow over his head, "stop it, changmin, leave me alone."
bouncing on the bed, changmin shakes his head, "no." and continues to bounce until he feels a pillow smack him, "hyung!"
"stop bouncing! i thought you were an adult now!"
changmin sticks his tongue out, "adult or not, you're the one sulking."
"you know? i'm sick of people telling me to shut up." changmin says as he finally stops bouncing and slowly twists on the bed, climbing over the elder man's form on the bed.
turning onto his back, yunho looks up into changmin's unchanging expression, "min..."
"be quiet," the younger man whispers, straddling the elder man's waist, "doesn't that..." he says, bending his back till he's inches away from yunho's lips, "...sound so much better?"
"changmin-" yunho mutters, looking up into changmin's sad eyes, "i've been wrong all along."
hearing the knock on his door, yoochun quickly climbs onto his bed, hiding his head under the covers and hoping they'll get the message.
they don't, "yoochun," junsu doesn't get the message even as there is no reply.
sighing, yoochun turns over on the bed, unable to truly fall asleep and not pretend to be asleep -hiding from the other man, "whether you hear this or not,." junsu's voice is sad as yoochun feels a dip on the bed, "i'm going to say it."
keeping his eyes shut, but listening carefully, yoochun notes the way junsu's voice cracks as he speaks, "i love you. i know it's taken me forever to come to my senses, but i do, yoochun. i love you. and i feel like such an idiot for hurting you all along."
"you should-" yoochun says before he realizes the words leave him. mentally beating himself up, he turns to face junsu looking slightly amused, sightly annoyed, "sorry." he mutters, looking away.
climbing onto the bed, junsu smiles sadly as he takes yoochun's jaw between his palms and makes the other man look at him. he doesn't say a word as he slowly leans closer, pressing his lips against yoochun's for the first time filled with all his love for the other. creasing the elder mans cheek with his thumb, junsu deepens the kiss, shutting his eyes tightly and presses closer.
feeling tears sting his eyes, yoochun finds his hands moving against junsu's forearms, loose and gentle hold on the others flesh, he rubs gently as a deep sound comes round from his throat.
when they finally pull away, deep eyes staring down at him, yoochun licks his lips, "that felt...different."
chuckling lightly, changmin snorts, "about what?"
and he doesn't realize he's got tears in his eyes, slowly falling against yunho's cheeks till the elder man's got his thumb brushing away the salty sadness away, "i thought i loved yoochun," he whispers, cupping changmin's face with both his hands and bringing the younger man's lips closer, "but i only told myself i did...because i thought my feelings for you were wrong." changmin can feel the others breath on his lips as yunho finishes talking.
taking control, changmin leans in completely, crashing their lips together. it's desperate, needy and yet so much more as he cries against his hyung's lips, needing to know this is real. this isn't just yunho pretending, needs to know he's feelings are truly being accepted and returned.
wrapping his arms around changmin's shoulders, yunho turns them over, deepening the kiss as he strokes the younger man's sides. deep, passionate, he holds changmin closer, knowing the younger man needs to feel this connection just as much as he does.
"hyung..." changmin breaths when they pull away, yunho pressing flush against his body, "i love you."
laughing awkwardly, junsu bites his lip before hiding his face against yoochun's collarbone and breathing the other man in, "it should." he whispers, loving the way he can still taste yoochun on his lips, the way he can't get enough of it. the way he needs yoochun as if his whole world will fall apart if he lets him go.
"it should?" yoochun repeats.
"yah, it's the first time i've kissed you while truly, honestly loving you." he can't help but smile at the way yoochun blushes and tries to push him away, holding on tightly, he whispers against yoochun's neck, "i'm so, so sorry, chun."
taking junsu's jaw in his palms, yoochun makes the other look at him, and as he catches junsu's eyes staring into his so intensely, he says, "i love you."
"i love you too," yunho says, smiling as he brings changmin closer, hating how blind he was to lie to himself all that time. telling himself he loved yoochun, almost hurting himself and yoochun, hurting changmin. he shakes his head willing away the horrible thoughts and leans in against changmin's cheek, "only you."
"i love you too, yoochun."
gah! horrible ending D: